本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Your 2-year-old cries and clings to your leg when you say goodbye at child care. Your 10-month-old baby wants to be with you every minute and will accept no substitutes. Your 5-year-old cries every Monday morning and begs to stay home from school. Clingy and tearful goodbyes are a part of the daily routine for many parents of young children. It's perfectly normal, but that doesn't make it any easier to hear your child's anguished pleas at the start of your workday every morning. If you find that saying goodbye is the hardest part of your day, there are some steps you can take to make life easier for everyone.
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What is separation anxiety?
Sometime between the ages of 7 and 13 months, babies become intensely aware of the difference between their parents and strangers. Many toddlers become clingy, wanting to be near one parent all the time. At this age, children don't realize that when you leave you're not leaving forever. As children grow older, they gain an understanding of the routines of coming and going, and most become comfortable over time with the goodbyes in their daily schedule. But even school-age children can go through the same separation worries when there's a change in the routine -- a new caregiver or teacher, a new school, or the first week of kindergarten.
Separation anxiety is a normal and healthy part of development. It means that there is a close and loving bond between you and your child. But tearful goodbyes can also be painful, and can make it harder for you to head off to work with confidence that your child is happy and in good hands.
Back To Top
Adjusting to a new caregiver
Getting used to your first child care situation may feel like a big step. To make the transition easier:
Visit beforehand. Let your child visit his child care provider before the first day, staying a little longer each time. When your child is comfortable, leave him alone with the caregiver, increasing your time away.
Talk to your child's caregiver. Ask for advice about how to introduce your child into his new routine gradually. Make sure your caregiver knows your child's eating and napping schedule, as well as his favorite games or activities. Sticking to a familiar routine will make your child feel safer and more secure.
Plan the first day. Leave plenty of time to get ready on the first full day of care. Rushing can make your child nervous. Stay with your child for at least an hour to make sure he's comfortable.
Give your child a familiar object. A favorite stuffed animal or crib toy may make separation less painful.
Always say goodbye. Never try to slip away when your child is busy. Your child needs to know that you haven't disappeared, but have left for a while and will be back soon.
Follow a routine. Giving three kisses every morning or waving and saying "Bye for now" will help your child learn what to expect when you leave. Your child may respond best to a goodbye ritual that he helps to create.
Be enthusiastic. Talk about the new friends your child will make and the games he'll learn. Mention child care each morning: "You'll be going to the child care center today. I'll stay for a little while, then I'll go to work."
Offer extra support. While your child is adjusting, give plenty of hugs and praise. Try to keep other major changes to a minimum.
In child care, children learn to say goodbye every day. Your child may feel a little sadder about leaving you on Mondays than on other days. On Fridays, he may feel a little sad about leaving child care for the weekend. These feelings are normal. Remember that your child is learning the joys of being together again, along with the sadness of saying goodbye.
Back To Top
Separations at different ages
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Infants
A child between the ages of 6 and 13 months doesn't realize that when you leave you'll return again. Here are some tips for easing separation anxiety in infants:
Practice separating. Try leaving your baby with a relative or other caregiver. Gradually increase the amount of time you're away.
If your baby is breastfed, occasionally use a bottle. Letting friends and relatives sometimes feed your child will help her prepare for time apart from you.
Leave the door open at nap time. A child care center or a family member's house will have all sorts of unfamiliar noises. Let your child get used to different sounds.
Anticipate changes. If your infant will be using a different type of diaper or bottle at child care, begin getting her used to that type of bottle or diaper at home.
Back To Top
Toddlers and preschoolers
At first, your toddler or preschooler may seem very happy with a new child care program or the toys and other children at the house of a family friend. Once the novelty wears off, your child may become concerned that you're not there. At this age, delayed reactions are common.
Express your feelings. Let your child know that you'll miss him when he's at child care or at Grandma's house.
Be firm. Tell your child where you're going and when you'll return, say goodbye, and leave. Lingering only makes things harder.
Say when you'll be back. Describe when you'll return in terms of an event. Tell your child, "I'll be back after your afternoon nap," or "We'll have dinner together tonight."
Read books about child care and separation anxiety. Compare your child's caregiver or activities to those in the books.
Back To Top
School-age children
Being prepared will help your child feel secure. Tell her as much about a new situation as you can. If, for example, your child is entering a new after-school program, talk about the activities she'll take part in and the friends she'll make. Also discuss practical questions, like how she'll get to the program and back home again.
Arrange for your child to be with friends. If your child already knows someone in a new school, see if they can arrive together on the first day.
Promise to visit past caregivers and teachers. Make sure your child knows that she can always visit her old room and last year's teachers.
Share your own experiences. Tell a story about a difficult change in your life -- and how it worked out in the end.
Keep in touch with your child's new teacher or caregiver. Find out how your child is adjusting. Let her teachers and caregivers know about any problems or concerns at home.
Listen. Pay attention to your child's concerns, and take them seriously.
Back To Top
Easing your own anxieties
Children aren't the only ones who have a hard time separating. You may feel sad about leaving your child, especially if he is unhappy when you say goodbye.
Be aware of your own feelings. Let your child know that you're sad to leave him but that you know he'll be fine while you're away.
Give yourself time to calm down. After saying goodbye, take a walk or find a quiet place to breathe deeply and relax.
Make sure your child is OK. If your child is crying when you say goodbye, stand outside the door (out of view) until you hear his cries stop. Or call your caregiver once you get to work to make sure your child has calmed down. Knowing your child is playing happily will make your day less stressful.
Ask for advice. Talk to other parents about how they handle separation. It helps to know your feelings are normal.
Remember that you know your child best. If friends or relatives criticize your child care decisions, try saying, "You might choose something different, but this is what's right for us."
Back To Top
Saying goodbye to a caregiver
When you change child care arrangements, allow plenty of time to say goodbye.
Talk about the future. Both you and your child's caregiver should talk to your child about the change ahead.
Plan to stay in touch. Your child will want to visit her old caregiver. Make a date to get together.
Be upbeat. Emphasize the positives. Say things like, "I think you're going to love your new teacher, too," or "There's a great swing set at the new school."
Back To Top
What if my child doesn't adjust?
Children who feel less secure try to make their parents stay by crying or having a tantrum. If your child knows she can make you stay, she will lose faith in the child care arrangement. That's why it's important to be firm when saying goodbye.
If your child continues to object loudly when you leave and is unhappy at child care for more than the first month, there may be a problem. Ask your child what's wrong, and spend a few hours at child care to see how things are going. If you can't resolve the problem, consider looking for another arrangement.
Some children take longer to adjust than others. Stay positive and you'll soon find that you've gotten past the difficult times.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
Back To Top
What is separation anxiety?
Sometime between the ages of 7 and 13 months, babies become intensely aware of the difference between their parents and strangers. Many toddlers become clingy, wanting to be near one parent all the time. At this age, children don't realize that when you leave you're not leaving forever. As children grow older, they gain an understanding of the routines of coming and going, and most become comfortable over time with the goodbyes in their daily schedule. But even school-age children can go through the same separation worries when there's a change in the routine -- a new caregiver or teacher, a new school, or the first week of kindergarten.
Separation anxiety is a normal and healthy part of development. It means that there is a close and loving bond between you and your child. But tearful goodbyes can also be painful, and can make it harder for you to head off to work with confidence that your child is happy and in good hands.
Back To Top
Adjusting to a new caregiver
Getting used to your first child care situation may feel like a big step. To make the transition easier:
Visit beforehand. Let your child visit his child care provider before the first day, staying a little longer each time. When your child is comfortable, leave him alone with the caregiver, increasing your time away.
Talk to your child's caregiver. Ask for advice about how to introduce your child into his new routine gradually. Make sure your caregiver knows your child's eating and napping schedule, as well as his favorite games or activities. Sticking to a familiar routine will make your child feel safer and more secure.
Plan the first day. Leave plenty of time to get ready on the first full day of care. Rushing can make your child nervous. Stay with your child for at least an hour to make sure he's comfortable.
Give your child a familiar object. A favorite stuffed animal or crib toy may make separation less painful.
Always say goodbye. Never try to slip away when your child is busy. Your child needs to know that you haven't disappeared, but have left for a while and will be back soon.
Follow a routine. Giving three kisses every morning or waving and saying "Bye for now" will help your child learn what to expect when you leave. Your child may respond best to a goodbye ritual that he helps to create.
Be enthusiastic. Talk about the new friends your child will make and the games he'll learn. Mention child care each morning: "You'll be going to the child care center today. I'll stay for a little while, then I'll go to work."
Offer extra support. While your child is adjusting, give plenty of hugs and praise. Try to keep other major changes to a minimum.
In child care, children learn to say goodbye every day. Your child may feel a little sadder about leaving you on Mondays than on other days. On Fridays, he may feel a little sad about leaving child care for the weekend. These feelings are normal. Remember that your child is learning the joys of being together again, along with the sadness of saying goodbye.
Back To Top
Separations at different ages
Back To Top
Infants
A child between the ages of 6 and 13 months doesn't realize that when you leave you'll return again. Here are some tips for easing separation anxiety in infants:
Practice separating. Try leaving your baby with a relative or other caregiver. Gradually increase the amount of time you're away.
If your baby is breastfed, occasionally use a bottle. Letting friends and relatives sometimes feed your child will help her prepare for time apart from you.
Leave the door open at nap time. A child care center or a family member's house will have all sorts of unfamiliar noises. Let your child get used to different sounds.
Anticipate changes. If your infant will be using a different type of diaper or bottle at child care, begin getting her used to that type of bottle or diaper at home.
Back To Top
Toddlers and preschoolers
At first, your toddler or preschooler may seem very happy with a new child care program or the toys and other children at the house of a family friend. Once the novelty wears off, your child may become concerned that you're not there. At this age, delayed reactions are common.
Express your feelings. Let your child know that you'll miss him when he's at child care or at Grandma's house.
Be firm. Tell your child where you're going and when you'll return, say goodbye, and leave. Lingering only makes things harder.
Say when you'll be back. Describe when you'll return in terms of an event. Tell your child, "I'll be back after your afternoon nap," or "We'll have dinner together tonight."
Read books about child care and separation anxiety. Compare your child's caregiver or activities to those in the books.
Back To Top
School-age children
Being prepared will help your child feel secure. Tell her as much about a new situation as you can. If, for example, your child is entering a new after-school program, talk about the activities she'll take part in and the friends she'll make. Also discuss practical questions, like how she'll get to the program and back home again.
Arrange for your child to be with friends. If your child already knows someone in a new school, see if they can arrive together on the first day.
Promise to visit past caregivers and teachers. Make sure your child knows that she can always visit her old room and last year's teachers.
Share your own experiences. Tell a story about a difficult change in your life -- and how it worked out in the end.
Keep in touch with your child's new teacher or caregiver. Find out how your child is adjusting. Let her teachers and caregivers know about any problems or concerns at home.
Listen. Pay attention to your child's concerns, and take them seriously.
Back To Top
Easing your own anxieties
Children aren't the only ones who have a hard time separating. You may feel sad about leaving your child, especially if he is unhappy when you say goodbye.
Be aware of your own feelings. Let your child know that you're sad to leave him but that you know he'll be fine while you're away.
Give yourself time to calm down. After saying goodbye, take a walk or find a quiet place to breathe deeply and relax.
Make sure your child is OK. If your child is crying when you say goodbye, stand outside the door (out of view) until you hear his cries stop. Or call your caregiver once you get to work to make sure your child has calmed down. Knowing your child is playing happily will make your day less stressful.
Ask for advice. Talk to other parents about how they handle separation. It helps to know your feelings are normal.
Remember that you know your child best. If friends or relatives criticize your child care decisions, try saying, "You might choose something different, but this is what's right for us."
Back To Top
Saying goodbye to a caregiver
When you change child care arrangements, allow plenty of time to say goodbye.
Talk about the future. Both you and your child's caregiver should talk to your child about the change ahead.
Plan to stay in touch. Your child will want to visit her old caregiver. Make a date to get together.
Be upbeat. Emphasize the positives. Say things like, "I think you're going to love your new teacher, too," or "There's a great swing set at the new school."
Back To Top
What if my child doesn't adjust?
Children who feel less secure try to make their parents stay by crying or having a tantrum. If your child knows she can make you stay, she will lose faith in the child care arrangement. That's why it's important to be firm when saying goodbye.
If your child continues to object loudly when you leave and is unhappy at child care for more than the first month, there may be a problem. Ask your child what's wrong, and spend a few hours at child care to see how things are going. If you can't resolve the problem, consider looking for another arrangement.
Some children take longer to adjust than others. Stay positive and you'll soon find that you've gotten past the difficult times.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net