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诗译 <Greensleeves> (ZT)

maer(马儿)
《袖底风·绿袖》　　　　Greensleeve
莲波译

　　我思断肠，伊人不臧。　　Alas my love, you do me wrong
　　弃我远去，抑郁难当。　　To cast me off discourteously
　　我心相属，日久月长。　　I have loved you all so long
　　与卿相依，地老天荒。　　Delighting in your company

　　绿袖招兮，我心欢朗。　　Greensleeves was all my joy
　　绿袖飘兮，我心痴狂。　　Greensleeves was my delight
　　绿袖摇兮，我心流光。　　Greensleeves was my heart of gold
　　绿袖永兮，非我新娘。　　And who but my Lady Greensleeves

　　我即相偎，柔荑纤香。　　I have been ready at your hand
　　我自相许，舍身何妨。　　To grant whatever you would crave
　　欲求永年，此生归偿。　　I have both waged life and land
　　回首欢爱，四顾茫茫。　　Your love and good will for to have

　　绿袖招兮，我心欢朗。　　Greensleeves was all my joy
　　绿袖飘兮，我心痴狂。　　Greensleeves was my delight
　　绿袖摇兮，我心流光。　　Greensleeves was my heart of gold
　　绿袖永兮，非我新娘。　　And who but my Lady Greensleeves

　　伊人隔尘，我亦无望。　　Thou couldst desire no earthly thing
　　彼端箜篌，渐疏渐响。　　But still thou hadst it readily
　　人既永绝，心自飘霜。　　Thy music still to play and sing
　　斥欢斥爱，绿袖无常。　　And yet thou wouldst not love me

　　绿袖招兮，我心欢朗。　　Greensleeves was all my joy
　　绿袖飘兮，我心痴狂。　　Greensleeves was my delight
　　绿袖摇兮，我心流光。　　Greensleeves was my heart of gold
　　绿袖永兮，非我新娘。　　And who but my Lady Greensleeves

　　绿袖去矣，付与流觞。　　Greensleeves now farewell adieu
　　我燃心香，寄语上苍。　　God I pray to prosper thee
　　我心犹炽，不灭不伤。　　For I am still thy lover true
　　伫立垅间，待伊归乡。　　Come once again and love me

　　绿袖招兮，我心欢朗。　　Greensleeves was all my joy
　　绿袖飘兮，我心痴狂。　　Greensleeves was my delight
　　绿袖摇兮，我心流光。　　Greensleeves was my heart of gold
　　绿袖永兮，非我新娘。　　And who but my Lady Greensleeves
(#3118884@0)
Last Updated: 2006-8-2
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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 枫下拾英 / 乐韵书香 / 诗译 <Greensleeves> (ZT) -maer(马儿); 2006-8-2 {1995} (#3118884@0) 
    《袖底风·绿袖》　　　　Greensleeve
莲波译

　　我思断肠，伊人不臧。　　Alas my love, you do me wrong
　　弃我远去，抑郁难当。　　To cast me off discourteously
　　我心相属，日久月长。　　I have loved you all so long
　　与卿相依，地老天荒。　　Delighting in your company

　　绿袖招兮，我心欢朗。　　Greensleeves was all my joy
　　绿袖飘兮，我心痴狂。　　Greensleeves was my delight
　　绿袖摇兮，我心流光。　　Greensleeves was my heart of gold
　　绿袖永兮，非我新娘。　　And who but my Lady Greensleeves

　　我即相偎，柔荑纤香。　　I have been ready at your hand
　　我自相许，舍身何妨。　　To grant whatever you would crave
　　欲求永年，此生归偿。　　I have both waged life and land
　　回首欢爱，四顾茫茫。　　Your love and good will for to have

　　绿袖招兮，我心欢朗。　　Greensleeves was all my joy
　　绿袖飘兮，我心痴狂。　　Greensleeves was my delight
　　绿袖摇兮，我心流光。　　Greensleeves was my heart of gold
　　绿袖永兮，非我新娘。　　And who but my Lady Greensleeves

　　伊人隔尘，我亦无望。　　Thou couldst desire no earthly thing
　　彼端箜篌，渐疏渐响。　　But still thou hadst it readily
　　人既永绝，心自飘霜。　　Thy music still to play and sing
　　斥欢斥爱，绿袖无常。　　And yet thou wouldst not love me

　　绿袖招兮，我心欢朗。　　Greensleeves was all my joy
　　绿袖飘兮，我心痴狂。　　Greensleeves was my delight
　　绿袖摇兮，我心流光。　　Greensleeves was my heart of gold
　　绿袖永兮，非我新娘。　　And who but my Lady Greensleeves

　　绿袖去矣，付与流觞。　　Greensleeves now farewell adieu
　　我燃心香，寄语上苍。　　God I pray to prosper thee
　　我心犹炽，不灭不伤。　　For I am still thy lover true
　　伫立垅间，待伊归乡。　　Come once again and love me

　　绿袖招兮，我心欢朗。　　Greensleeves was all my joy
　　绿袖飘兮，我心痴狂。　　Greensleeves was my delight
　　绿袖摇兮，我心流光。　　Greensleeves was my heart of gold
　　绿袖永兮，非我新娘。　　And who but my Lady Greensleeves
    • 莲波! 再次崇拜一下！ -wmcn(偷得浮生半日闲); 2006-8-2 (#3118927@0)
      • 她是个才女，北美华人lady 的骄傲。。。另外还翻译过<士嘉堡集市>等歌曲。。诗经味浓郁得很！ -maer(马儿); 2006-8-2 (#3119399@0)
    • In my opinion this is a bad translation. How so? Because it strays too far from the original text, imagination is given free rein here, too much self-indulgence on the translator's part. -lifesucks(-___-); 2006-8-2 {391} (#3119019@0)
      Be faithful to the original text -- It doesn't matter how beautiful you can write, the point is you have to remain true to the text, interpret only what is written there, neither more nor less. You have to keep in mind that this is not YOUR work, but someone else's. Respect that!

      One must remain faithful to the work he's translating. If not, why bother? Just write your own poem.
      • 本篇似乎稍逊于<士嘉堡的集市>的翻译，但英文原文也较<士嘉堡~~>逊色，对不对？ -maer(马儿); 2006-8-2 (#3119413@0)
      • 完全同意, 说得好! -goingconern(GoingConcern); 2006-8-3 (#3121454@0)
    • No music. :):( -asker(amour); 2006-8-2 (#3119236@0)
      • Chinese is much more poetic than English, indeed. :) -asker(amour); 2006-8-2 (#3119237@0)
        • 然。 -maer(马儿); 2006-8-2 (#3119410@0)
          • no 然。。。 -noproblem(大可以); 2006-8-3 (#3120743@0)
            • 你不懂！ -maer(马儿); 2006-8-3 {38} (#3120755@0)
              中文方块字，好对仗的说！所以写诗歌好！
              • Absolutely. -asker(amour); 2006-8-3 (#3121750@0)
    • 译者莲波不仅才华横溢，而且还长的很漂亮。。。 -maer(马儿); 2006-8-2 (#3119407@0)
      • 马儿眼里出美女，我就不和你较真儿了。。。 -noproblem(大可以); 2006-8-2 (#3119592@0)
        • 真的，她很漂亮的。。。气质不凡的说！ -maer(马儿); 2006-8-2 (#3119715@0)
          • Photos, please. :) -asker(amour); 2006-8-3 (#3120502@0)
            • No, I can post her pp w/o her permission...\ -maer(马儿); 2006-8-3 (#3120551@0)
              • You can post her picture with Google's permission, she looks OK but she's not that kind of 漂亮 as you said, it's understandable though... -noproblem(大可以); 2006-8-3 (#3120700@0)
          • PP, please. -spagetti(hot hot hot); 2006-8-3 (#3120537@0)
            • .
              -skywriting(天书); 2006-8-3 (#3120773@0)
              • 然。 -maer(马儿); 2006-8-3 (#3120781@0)
                • 正在听萨克斯版的士嘉堡的集市，估计中文不能表达这种岛国独有的戏虐的情调 -skywriting(天书); 2006-8-3 (#3120797@0)
              • LOL. Zhen shi "Ge hua ru ge yan" ha. Thanks;-))) -spagetti(hot hot hot); 2006-8-3 (#3120784@0)
                • 我觉得女人穿古装毫不好看的唯一标准就是：像小姐还是象丫鬟 -skywriting(天书); 2006-8-3 (#3120807@0)
                  • Agree. -spagetti(hot hot hot); 2006-8-3 (#3120835@0)
                • 个花入个眼？马儿很生气。。。#3119592@0 -noproblem(大可以); 2006-8-3 (#3120811@0)
                  • 她真的很有魅力，不一般的魅力！ -maer(马儿); 2006-8-3 (#3120877@0)
                    • What a pitiable Maer。。。:-D -noproblem(大可以); 2006-8-3 (#3120895@0)
                      • wo tu a tu a jiu xi guan le, hahaha~~ -lifesucks(-___-); 2006-8-3 (#3120945@0)
                        • Duh, 大胆！ -maer(马儿); 2006-8-3 (#3121018@0)
                          • 虽然不同意你的看法，但你觉得漂亮就是漂亮，每个人口味不一样 -zheyi(葱花小油饼); 2006-8-3 (#3121564@0)
                            • Exactly. :) -asker(amour); 2006-8-3 (#3121757@0)
                    • Oh, brother, please. :) She is OK, and you see her only in online artistic photos, and have no idea what she looks like in reality, right? -asker(amour); 2006-8-3 (#3121755@0)
              • She is OK in this artistic photo. -asker(amour); 2006-8-3 (#3121754@0)
                • mediocre in art photos = ugly in real life~~ :D -lifesucks(-___-); 2006-8-3 (#3121770@0)
                  • Somehow sadly true, though. -asker(amour); 2006-8-3 (#3121966@0)
    • 读了读英文原文，感慨这也叫诗啊。太差。另外，译诗，90％取决于译者的中文水平，基本上就是用中文重写。和原文没太大联系。所以要写诗，不如直接就用中文写。烦请MAER传话给你的偶像，别浪费时间了，自己用中文写 -zheyi(葱花小油饼); 2006-8-3 (#3121653@0)
      • 呵呵~~偶考虑考虑。。。 -maer(马儿); 2006-8-3 (#3121660@0)
        • :)))))))) -asker(amour); 2006-8-3 (#3121759@0)
      • :)))))))))) Actually I don't see that piece as the translation, but her own creation based on the theme of the original English poem. -asker(amour); 2006-8-3 (#3121758@0)
        • 是的，所以何苦挂在人家的名下呢？还没有版权。估计译者缺乏自信，想狐假虎威一把，呵呵 -zheyi(葱花小油饼); 2006-8-3 (#3121963@0)
          • She used that theme, so that her poem did have something to do with the original English, even though not completely. -asker(amour); 2006-8-3 (#3121970@0)
            • 嗨，那点内容，自己想像一下就得了嘛， -zheyi(葱花小油饼); 2006-8-3 (#3122012@0)
              • 那只好说明译者缺乏最起码的想象力 -zheyi(葱花小油饼); 2006-8-3 (#3122016@0)
                • Yeah, you can say so, though. :) Sometimes we need an idea or a theme to build up our own stuff upon. -asker(amour); 2006-8-4 (#3122722@0)
    • 信.达.雅三字,占了后两个,相----当的不错! -rogerz(piggy); 2006-8-3 (#3121886@0)

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