本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛I have been sorry for myself for growing up without mother’s love all through my youth period. It has hurt me so much until I found love between my mother and me.



I had a very bad relationship with my mother when I was young.

My parents, my grandparents, my sisters and I all lived together under the same roof. We were a big family. As many traditional Chinese families, it was my grandmother who took care of me after I was born.


My mother was a high school teacher; all she cared about was her work and she spent little time with me. From her point of view, I never did anything right. The only thing I did was to disappoint her and get her mad which really frustrated me. I hated her and I did not think she loved me at all.

Every time when I got sick, it was my grandfather who sent me to see a doctor. So when there were some disagreements between my mother and my grandmother, I always standed on my grandmother’s side, because I felt closer to her, and I believed my mother hated me. I had never seen my mother smile during that period.

I told myself that one day I must leave her and stay far away from her. I decided that the only thing I could do for her was to give her some financial support when she became older. I did leave her and lived in a different province for a couple of years. I was not really happy without family around, but I couldn’t tell why. I didn’t know there was need for someone inside the deeper part of my heart until I got pregnant.



During my pregnancy, I started to touch the feeling of motherhood. It was hardship and it was joy. I couldn’t help imaging how it was like and how my mother felt when I was in my mother’s womb. I suddenly realized that my mother must feel the same way like what I was feeling at this special time. I felt something began to melt inside me and at the same I doubted what I used to believe that my mother didn’t love me. I told myself: I need to give us a chance to change.

Later, I decided to invite my mother to live with me for several months. I tried myself to stand in my mother’s shoes. Whenever she talked to me, I listened carefully. She told me that she grew up in the environment that had the tradition that boys are preferred to girls. So she did not have the same rights as her brothers in her family before she got married. Her heart was wounded and she wished that I could grow to be a strong girl. She never meant to hurt my feelings. If I had known that, I would have cared and loved her more instead of blaming her. I forgave her.

My mother helped me to take care of my son with so much patience and love .I enjoy so much watching them playing together. We often went hiking on weekends. She loves spending time with my son and me. She smiled a lot, which never happened before. We have a new relationship. I realized that what I have been in need of these years is to love her and to be loved by her, which cannot be absent from my life. When the love between us wakes up, I found I had such a wonderful mother, and I believe I am always special to her because no one will love her as much as I do.

I don’t feel sorry for myself any more. It is all because of my mother, I love and I am loved.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net